Automatic merge from submit-queue (batch tested with PRs 41667, 41820, 40910, 41645, 41361)

Refactor ControllerRefManager

**What this PR does / why we need it**:

To prepare for implementing ControllerRef across all controllers (https://github.com/kubernetes/community/pull/298), this pushes the common adopt/orphan logic into ControllerRefManager so each controller doesn't have to duplicate it.

This also shares the adopt/orphan logic between Pods and ReplicaSets, so it lives in only one place.

**Which issue this PR fixes**:

**Special notes for your reviewer**:

**Release note**:
```release-note
```

cc @kubernetes/sig-apps-pr-reviews